So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
