Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
