Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
