Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
