There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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