4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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