Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize