Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
