he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
