Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
