I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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