I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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