Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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