bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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