he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My bed smells like the plague
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
