i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
