I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
