i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we made out on top of his cat.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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