I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
