At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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