So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
