the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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