We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize