i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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