fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
