So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
