the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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