So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
