It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Two words: blizzard sex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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