My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
