Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
