I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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