call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
