I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
