so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize