i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
