dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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