I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
