what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
