Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
