whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
