absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
