Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
