Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
