Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
