I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
