Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dignity is for republicans.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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