please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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