I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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