You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
