i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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