My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
