I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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