My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
