what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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