she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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