Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
