I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
