Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
