Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
