all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
