ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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