am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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