Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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