he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
