Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
