this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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