I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
