Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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