True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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